Trust Yourself

When i gave birth to my first baby, i fell in complete and total love, so gigantic, it felt like my heart would burst. I cried with emotion every time i looked at her sweet peaceful face. The sheer depth of this love was indescribable really, a miracle i couldn’t fathom until i experienced it myself. The world became a different place and no one can tell you what it feels like. But when it happens, you FINALLY get it. You are a member of a new club in a way. Every mom out there is nodding right now - no need to say more.
The camaraderie of other moms going through this same experience is priceless and much needed, yet I, for one, would never ever trade the isolation that being the mother of a newborn incites.
Now granted, there weren’t computers in the early nineties when i had my first precious baby. And for that, i am thankful. If i had a question or concern i either
A) picked up one of my many parenting books.
B) called a friend or my mom. Or...
C) called the doctor.
Sharing every waking second of my baby’s early days, i feel, would have taken tremendous time away from this life-changing experience. I remember feeling almost cocooned, removed from the outside world and thrown into a whole new realm, totally foreign to my being......It felt scary and exciting. Being completely responsible for the care and protection of this small, helpless human being was daunting. I had no idea what i was doing. I didn’t even know how to change a diaper. It was certainly different from changing one on the doll in the Baby 101 class my husband and i enrolled in......the little legs certainly weren’t kicking wildly on the doll!
Was it isolating? Yes to a degree. Did the days sometimes feel long? Of course. But what is wrong with that??
I was forced to learn as i went, make errors and often overprotective decisions that i now laugh at, but in doing so, i gained my own sense of competence and a confidence and trust in myself were evident. I CAN do this! When i emerged (it felt like an emergence ) from this incredible period of time, it felt like a rite of passage. I was now somebody’s mommy, the most important and humbling role i could ever imagine or dream of.
Some feel that they have to “share” every minute detail, from bowel movements to every facet of how their breast feel. Just look at the internet and it is all there and much more. Yet, precious moments are often missed or not fully experienced while this over sharing takes place.
Yes, we live in a time of constant connection, overload in many ways, and the pull of that keyboard is hard to ignore for many.
But that peaceful blissful time with a newborn is a true gift, not to be taken for granted as it passes in the blink of an eye
So just try turning off the electronics.......and fully and completely experience this irreplaceable special time.
Trust me.....it goes by quickly!

My Music

My daughter is in her room, her beautiful voice lifting as she belts out one of her favorite songs.
My son is strumming his guitar, his voice rising above the notes as he tries to master the difficult task of singing while playing.
I pause, listen........ and smile.
Yet, as much as this fills me, and believe me, it does fill me, there is another kind of music that is my treasure as much if not more.
It is morning.......
My oldest daughter’s footsteps stomp across the hardwood floor. the light switch flicking on. my husbands keys jingling. the toilet flushing. running water. teeth being brushed. more stomping. squeaky closet doors opening. one child skips down the stairs. one shuffles. one drags. cereal bowls hit the counter. the swoosh of milk being poured. dishes clanking into the dishwasher (this only happens sometimes.)
The happy sounds of our morning.... everyday sounds but oh so precious.
i pause and listen.....and smile.
The sounds of our life together.
My music.

Let Them Be

My dear friend told me a story recently . Her daughter took her best friend to play golf one summer day. The best friend had never picked up a golf club in her life, but enjoyed playing that day, even though she was not versed in the game. The next thing my friend heard , the girl was taking lessons daily, at some far away place as there were not a lot of public golf courses where they lived. Suddenly a fun activity was no longer for fun but a flurry of private lessons and tournaments. This girl had also at various points in her young life had the same experience with swimming, soccer, basketball, guitar, piano and volleyball.......each of these activities eventually abandoned for her next “talent. ”
When did it become, that a chid shows an interest or a liking for a sport or activity and suddenly it goes from enjoyment to obsession? What happened to just allowing our children to do something because it is plain fun? The sheer joy that so many of us felt as children has been stripped from this generation by parents so eager for their child to be the “best” at whatever it is they may show the least bit of inclination.
Another friend’s son played on a baseball team. All of the kids were about the same level of play. But there was one boy who was not. And did he hear it from his dad who stood glued to the fence, berating his son at every moment. Telling him how to stand, when to swing. How could anyone concentrate under those circumstances? It was painful to witness the verbal assault on this poor child who was clearly trying, but could never measure up to the dad’s clearly unrealized dream. The boy’s slumped posture and lack of eye contact spoke volumes. And then there was another boy on the team who was amazing. But if he made an error, again the wrath of his father was something to be seen, often reducing this otherwise tough chid to tears on the field.
As many of you know, the characters may vary but the story remains the same....day in and day out.
Don’t misunderstand this message, keeping children engaged and interested in extracurricular activities is imperative in their social development, also keeping them busy and engaged thus limiting the time to be involved in negative behaviors.
But the truth of the matter is - most of our kids are average and aren’t going to be the next Babe Ruth. And that is okay.
We as parents need to accept and embrace our children, loving them for who they are not for who we wish them to be. And yes, sometimes a push IS necessary to help a child realize their potential. But keep in mind, there is a point where encouragement and support turns into obsession.
Can we allow our kids the freedom to experience their sports and activities for pleasure and enjoyment? Allow them the discovery of their true passions and talents that lie within, without invoking our own agendas on them? Allow them to take the lead when taking a talent to the next level?