Let Them Be

My dear friend told me a story recently . Her daughter took her best friend to play golf one summer day. The best friend had never picked up a golf club in her life, but enjoyed playing that day, even though she was not versed in the game. The next thing my friend heard , the girl was taking lessons daily, at some far away place as there were not a lot of public golf courses where they lived. Suddenly a fun activity was no longer for fun but a flurry of private lessons and tournaments. This girl had also at various points in her young life had the same experience with swimming, soccer, basketball, guitar, piano and volleyball.......each of these activities eventually abandoned for her next “talent. ”
When did it become, that a chid shows an interest or a liking for a sport or activity and suddenly it goes from enjoyment to obsession? What happened to just allowing our children to do something because it is plain fun? The sheer joy that so many of us felt as children has been stripped from this generation by parents so eager for their child to be the “best” at whatever it is they may show the least bit of inclination.
Another friend’s son played on a baseball team. All of the kids were about the same level of play. But there was one boy who was not. And did he hear it from his dad who stood glued to the fence, berating his son at every moment. Telling him how to stand, when to swing. How could anyone concentrate under those circumstances? It was painful to witness the verbal assault on this poor child who was clearly trying, but could never measure up to the dad’s clearly unrealized dream. The boy’s slumped posture and lack of eye contact spoke volumes. And then there was another boy on the team who was amazing. But if he made an error, again the wrath of his father was something to be seen, often reducing this otherwise tough chid to tears on the field.
As many of you know, the characters may vary but the story remains the same....day in and day out.
Don’t misunderstand this message, keeping children engaged and interested in extracurricular activities is imperative in their social development, also keeping them busy and engaged thus limiting the time to be involved in negative behaviors.
But the truth of the matter is - most of our kids are average and aren’t going to be the next Babe Ruth. And that is okay.
We as parents need to accept and embrace our children, loving them for who they are not for who we wish them to be. And yes, sometimes a push IS necessary to help a child realize their potential. But keep in mind, there is a point where encouragement and support turns into obsession.
Can we allow our kids the freedom to experience their sports and activities for pleasure and enjoyment? Allow them the discovery of their true passions and talents that lie within, without invoking our own agendas on them? Allow them to take the lead when taking a talent to the next level?